14 August 2014

miracle worker

who's Reality is the Right one?
this question has been sitting with me for as long as i can remember...
who's Right is right?
why is my Right wrong to those around me?

my family {love them to bits but...} have a knack of making me feel that i don't really know about the Realities of Life, how i should Cope with stuff, that i live in some sort of fairy-land, waiting for Miracles to Happen... this has been their fear, i suppose, when i told them about the imminent break-up with me and Mr G. they've seen him as my Saviour - without him i would've carried on floundering, i would've been treading water until god knows when... 
maybe i would've... maybe i would've carried on not really knowing what to do, how to make the move away from them, but the thing is - that didn't happen... i did meet Other Half, i did learn truck-loads of stuff, about life and how to cope with stuff, cos i have... the past twenty-odd years i've managed, i've found answers inside myself, i tapped into the immense resource that is my intuition, or whatever it's called, and the fear that used to take over, the panic, and the despair have subsided. they made room for Trust and Faith... in Me... in Life... in The Universe...

but they still won't see that...
they still assume that as soon as Mr G moves out, i'll crumble...
cos i don't know much about the Realities of being a Single Parent...
and i can't just keep thinking that Miracles will happen...

but i also see that they seem to relish Disaster... any one they see, they'll home into... personal disaster {my brother and his family, my auntie and her incurable disease, a friend who's daughter's baby has a problem}, national disaster {crashing air planes, the financial market}, international ones - it's all they can talk about... not the beautiful things that happen - my auntie who's found new love, my brother who's found a way to deal with his situation, the strength the friend's daughter seems to have found, somewhere deep inside - the miracles, the sunny sides. in the face of that, my reality is invisible to them... 

my reality is fine. it's mine, it's what it is.
and i believe in Miracles, cos they Happen.
all the time.
you just need to be able to see them... 

{one happened in June, when i got to see these guys play live, and i remembered what Happiness, Intense Joy and Ecstasy felt like...}